My Blog

This may sound a bit strange,but yes i finally succumbed to my mom’s recommendation to take the ESQ training here in Bogor.I didnt know what made me want to do it,it’s just that i thought i didnt have much to do at home, OIS (fyi:the only national level social science olympics in the country,of which i’m somehow happened to be the PO) was off,so bloody heck…i’d give it a try.So here it went. The only motivation for me to join in was that may be there are something that i could learn from,especially realizing that i havent been such a good moslem -dont get it wrong,i’m a believer,it’s just that in a more "different way",haha,i know what you think. The training took 2 days,and whatta shocking 2 days they were! Honestly i didnt like it at all (the method,not that content). Not that i reject every word they say…it’s just that in my views,to get the so called spiritual experience doesnt have to be in such a heroic,scary,full-of-tears situation. Gosh…it was so weird.It left me wondering…how in the world would i think about everything they say, deeply and thoroughly -to get what they call as spiritual experience-, if they kept the voice loud and where everybody seemed to be in tears -well,some of them are like screaming for whatever reasons they have, lets think that they cries for "God’s reason"? i dont know. If we want to take the lesson from all prophet that i know,let’s take Muhammad SAW or Musa A.S Isa A.S,or whoever…was any of them get the spiritual experience, such as got God’s message, in a condition where things are loud and crazy? i guess not. Muhammad SAW got his first message in a cave, where peace and quite is for granted, and so did the others. I myself, where all the screaming going on,quite enjoyed myself observing everybody. Some of them are fake actually,that’s the funny thing. When the trainer asked us to "sujud",all of us -except me and my dad- "sujud", but after i looked at one of the participant, he was just looking around while sujud, looked at his cellphone for couple of secs and after noticing that me and my dad werent sujud,he just got back sitting,hahahaha…One point to learn…the so called "spiritual experience" doesnt work in a noisy and loud for me…and i believe that peace and quite are basic ingredients to think about our life…and some chips may help a bit,haha…joking. Moreover, i think that those who are quite in such a "religious public show" could be the ones who take the point deeper than those who scream like a whacko.

And then…here comes the funnies part for me.You know that after the trainer explained and then slowly but surely several participants burst in tears -thanks for the help of ear-aching-sound system-, the comitee gave microphones to those who are crying and let whatever mourmour they are saying heard! that was so ridiculous. The loud voice of the trainer and the never-relaxing sound effect annoyed me enough, and now i have to listen to screaming and murmuring? c’mon! i need quite to think about what the trainer was saying!

Ok…nevertheless…i finally got several important message -thank God!-. And the good thing is that i may (MAY, this is the best word i could use here,he..) take it seriously. I’m not gonna talk about it though cuz they are not debatable, so yeah i’ll buy it. This is just to show you that it takes even ridiculous way for people to get such "spritual experience". Whatta day…it just adds up the list of things that i’m alergic to -screaming,crying,and loud sound system-. Wanna try?

doing the bldk was giving me much more than i expected. i was just expecting something ordinary, you know, just some senior giving same old shout to the juniors. but no, it was different, this time it’s different. I was like feeling something that i have  almost forgotten, the kind of feeling that once overwhelmed me some years a go.I dont think it was because it was our batch’ turn to take care the post alumni, because practically it wasnt me who run the program nor initiating the idea.I think it was the idea and the ideal concept of friendship that i was saying that moved something inside me. All the thing i said to the new osis was supposed to be for them, but it was like moving back to me,like a boomerang. Suddenly it made me miss all the thing  about osis  some years ago.  I dont know about them whom i told the thing, but i learned the lesson of my-own saying. Weird huh? well,, it was quite an experience indeed…never forget it.

Listen to me. I’m totally grateful to son of bitches who/which provoked all bitterness the whole thing in my life. In fact that’s what people need in their life so that citizens wont be as compliant as they were before. I’m telling you, i’m 20 now, haven’t enough experienced bitterness and haven’t really gotten myself stronger and better from every dissapointment i’ve had (if there’s any). Without crisis, i would just wallow along in the hapiness of fool. I need to use crisis to give a new birth to myself…-adapted from somebody called Leonor from some latin american country.

Dear Herbert Fandell, Martin Clattenburg

God,you have no idea how much i resent you two.Dont you guys have eyes or even brain in that stupid head?

Dear,Mr Fandell,can’t you see those awfull challenge on wayne and ronaldo?they were such a disgrace to the game,and all you said was that it cought the ball…i dont know whatta hell are you doing down there…and then you booked rio and gabi for essentially nothing.Those were rubbish call…no wonder Gaffer said that it was ten against twelve…you German piece of crap!

Dear Mr Clattenburg,i dont know what could the word stupid be best dedicated to other than to you in this world.Those were clear penalty spot…that maniac cought wayne’s foot first before the ball,outrageous…and all you did was that dumm ass gesture showing that it had cought the ball? bloody heck!!! Ron was being a regular target for some kicks here and there and all you did was that stupid gesture again! i dont think you’d make uefa game,ever!you should be just a ref at junior 10 year old level!

I cant believe these two people are in my world…they should be eliminated…ever.Even i dont think it would cost as any title…but still you guys ruined something…

Come on United,dont let these kinda Dummies ruins our journey this year.Let the red’s flag flying sky high again!

1. We’re always looking for a good opportunity to come up.

2. We can do it with two people or four.

3. We have good hands.

4. We grunt when the action heats up.

5. We know how to make a racket.

6. We can hit it from all angels.

7. We can go for 3 hours, straight!

8. We wear shorts to hold the balls

9. We don’t want it easy, hard is good

10. Even when we aren’t scoring, we’re in love

hey,it’s now my first time again posting something here.It’s been forever.I dont really know what to write here though,i’ve been feeling a lot, thinking a lot, and working a lot…You know…life sometimes wear you out…i’ve come to a point where i need to pause my life,have a quick look at what has hapenned,and when i’m ready i’ll press the start button again…

You know…i just realized that i’m such a hypocrite, and that’s just me.There are a lot of contradiction in my life,in what i think,in what i do…i think i need to start from scratch again everything…i just need to come somewhere where i dont know anyone so  i can be free.

I’m not saying that i’m so stressed out that i write all these. It’s just that there are a lot happening in my mind. My family, friends, my other family, my future…everything. It seems that i’ve been going through a period of reformation of my self-concept. In fact, now i dont know what my standard to hold on is…it keeps changing.

Firts of all,now i have  a new goals for my future. I know it seems to late or people in my age, but now i want to be a columninst, a writer, or a politician, something like Karl Rove, being an expert in political communication…yeah…i know it sounds nerd…i cant help.

Gosh i hate routinity. Studying all day makes me sick, even looking at some friends who seem to be as if their lives hang on the grades they get…oh my god,such a pathetic life. I know it’s not good to judge people but hey…whose blog is this anyway?haha…

l“Well, it’s been almost a year to the moment When I finally realized it was over” Anna Nalick – Bleed (great great song)

Today is June 28th…

Two days ago was the 26th; The day that I took off.

No. The day that I’ve been taken off.

Time is killing me – in a true sense. I’ve been looking at quite a lot of pictures. Me as a baby; me in grade 1; me in grade 2; me in my junior year at RRHS; me –now- just having turned 19. Weird.

I always thought they’re just trying to be all wise. “Year’s will pass by faster and faster throughout your life”. Sure knew that, but not like this. Not with so many things left unsaid and left undone on the way. I realized there is so much I think about and I plan on doing in every moment, but two days later everything seems to be poured out of my mind. Empty. Just like that…

I painfully realized how terribly I miss things. It hurts. There’s Albuquerque and RioRancho with all the anti-clicheé surrounding them. There’s my lovely host family who I think about everyday, but for whom I can’t even find the time to write once every two weeks… There’s all the great people I’ve met throughout my days who seem to be gone forever. They sure are alive. And, I fear, they sure don’t remember me.

Those brief, intense moments you share with completely different, abnormally interesting people. And the next time you blink and open your eyes again; they’re gone. I want them to stay. To tell me stories about everything they have seen. Challenges they faced, problems they solved or things they ran away from… Sad.

But if everyone else is taking this miserable situation as a given fact, do I have to accept it to? How, if I can’t even respect it? There still are so many people that are willing to listen to my stories; that are interested to hear what I have to tell them. And I want to return their favor. Forever. Anyways. Let’s not be too sad. A little melancholy doesn’t hurt anyone, though.

Since i got back, I managed to integrate; to find footprints to step into. Hope you guys feel able to, too. I caught myself being Indonesian again… This for now, and more to come,

Love all of you , Mishele,David,Monka,Camden,Briggy,Audcod,Ashy,Ethan,Brandon,Courtney,Cassidy,Nicole,Brian-TJ-Kevin Baker,David-Caitlin-Bridget Simpson,Patrick Conroy,Johanna,Mrs Oakes,Mr Birrel,Mrs Carlson,Mike,Tim,Jacob,All New-Mexico’s folks,Brandon Hermannator,David,Derek,Armann,Coach Douglas…

with the exhalarating hope to see again

just wanna say :

i love you Ambu

i love you Bah

assalamualaikum patrya…pakabar dunia?haha…tetep,intensif (basi banget sih).

Walaikumsalam atuh jawab…

Sbelumnya gw pengen bilang…hehe…koq jd keterusan nulis disini ya…teuing ah.

Gatau knapa gw pengen banget nulis ttg osis…bukan,bukan osis yg itu…eits,bukan,bukan yg itu jg…ini bukan sembarang osis…namanya osis smansa bogor.Gatau knapa gw hari ini kangen banget sama osis,eh salah,Osis. Namanya,ruangannya,kursi bututnya,diding ramenya,kaca penuh debunya,pintu reotnya…atap asbes panasnya,kipas bututnya,kaca-anehnya…smuanya…Hal2 kecil yg ga sempurna itu seakan2 kya sesuatu yg ga ada cela yg bikin kenangan berharga di otak gw yg lg mumet karna TO Mate gw yg butut mulu (nyambung lu ah!).

Jadi inget deh masa2 ketika dulu tujuan belajar ke skolah jd tujuan sekunder gw ke skolah.Masa2 dmana gw duduk sebelah si bayu nyusun agenda rapat TOP disaat pa yadi nerangin redoks (berbuntut 3-nya ulangan gw).Masa2 dmana gw ngedengerin celotehan2 anak2 sambil nambahin celotehan of my own.Masa2 dmana gw masih peduli sama setitik debu yg ada di lantai yg sebenernya debunya dah setebel buku…aneh memang…gmana 2 taun udah ngerubah gw…aneh…

Pengen banget gw dateng lg…duduk lagi…merhatiin papan tulis dan ngeluarin buku kecil dream catching project gw…dan bilang…whatta hell should we do today? ok…let’s start with…..and the list goes and on and on and on….

Kangen…….

I think i’ve come to a point where i tell myself…dangit Pat…you should have done this that day…or you could have said something nicer to them,or…you should have changed the desicion…and even harsher…you should have spent just one more night with them…

One more night…ya satu malem lagi aja…gw ga akan lupa malem itu.TOP h-1…gw dah bilang ke anak2 gw ga akan bs dateng…gw ada jamuan makan di embassy sebelum cabut afs…dan abis itu gw milih nganterin temen gw yg mau brangkat ke amrik duluan…ampe malem…gw sendiri belon ngepak…bego emang…begoo banget.Gw dah janji ama diri gw sendiri…Pat,lu harus dateng ke gor malem ini…anak2 dsana smua…ya…smuanya…dari pepe ampe mariana…dan gw balik ke rumah…ngepak…ga sempet ke gor…hiks…malem itu pun lewat…What an crap…

Kalo ada malem yg paling gw seselin ampe skrg…malem itu lah…that was the one.I still remember it all the time…everytime i miss osis…if only i could spent just one more night…it wasnt that they needed me there (i dunno),but it was rather i needed them…just to see them one more time and say goodbye,,,

Gw ga nyangka…itulah terakhir kalinya gw ngeliat mreka sperti itu…sesudah itu,staun kmudian…nama mreka mungkin ga brubah…but things change…i dont know what..but it’s simply not the same anymore…

Kangeeennn…

Pengeen banget bantuin busur panah…pengen banget bantuin cakram…pengen banget bilang "semangat! jangan lupa hal detail!!! dont let even a minute slip away!"…cuz i know exactly how it feels when you know that you just throw away a chance to make a difference…

Gw gatau apa dikdik…arman…n smua pengurus osis stlh gw,bakalan baca ini…tp yg jelas…gw sayang banget ama lu smua…banget…maapin gw yg blon ns jadi contoh baek bwt lu…maapin gw blon bs bantu banyak…yg jelas tiap gw berdoa…osis ga pernah lupa gw sebut…gw minta Allah kasih lu kekuatan stiap harinya…some extra energy to spend…harapan gw cuma biar doa gw setidaknya didengar ama Yg Diatas…

udah ah…kyanya ini tulisan terakhir gw ttg osis di blog (ato blok sih nulisnya?bodo amat dah)…stiap kali gw nulis ttg osis…pasti aja…hehe…gamau nyebut ah…tengsin…

Yg jelas..osis,keep fighting and winning…biar deh osis ngebentuk pikiran lu sekalipun pikiran orang2 disekeliling lu maupun sistem yg ngelilingin lu kacau beliau….

Kangeeennnnnn…

wassalam…i’ll fight and i’ll win Baby!